SWEETY PIE

The transport was silent as the basalt slab it rested on just a few feet above the tree line on the side of the mountain. From the window Bob could see 180 degrees for a hundred miles. The goose shape of Goose bay could be recognized although from this angle looked upside down. It was reasonably warm daytime but freezing at night. The black flies and mosquitoes couldn’t withstand the cold therefore the heaven that was Canada was there but the hell that was Canada was frozen over. Inside the transport Bob communicated with friends around the world on a screen fifteen feet high and thirty feet wide. At the moment Carl was showing him the jungle outside his transport. His Sweetybot strode naked behind him. The naked Sweety appealed to Bob in that the characteristics of the Sweety told him things about Carl. Carl had one Sweety while Bob had nearly seventy on board.
“Carl, how do you make do with just one Sweety?
“Sweety? Carl queried. You mean Betty, that just walked by?”
“Yeah, Carl, your face book page says you live alone with Betty.”
“Me and Betty are a pair and have been for several years.”
“Do you change her appearance regularly?”
While they spoke Bob’s Sweetys were massaging his feet and shoulders. There were two blondes, a redhead and an Asian all working and smiling as if massaging Bob was the best thing they had ever done. While chating with Carl, Bob was looking over his shoulder at Betty. Betty was a little frumpy, not exactly symmetrical and a little overweight.
Carl replied, “ No she is as she is and I am OK with her.
“Carl, maybe you have you been spending too much time alone.”
“Bob, please be careful what you say or you might inadvertently hurt Betty’s” feelings.”
“Carl, you haven’t disabled your Sweetys mental evaluation capability have you?”
“No Bob since you have asked some pointed questions and I prefer you not go off spreading rumors that are not true I will tell you. Betty is not a Sweety. She is a real woman. I have been living with a real woman for fifteen years and they have been the best years of my life.”
Now Bob’s eyes bugged out at Betty who again strolled by the camera carrying something toward the kitchen. In his long life he had met thousands of women but seldom if ever thought of living with one. They were so hard to satisfy and insisted on having someone listen to long dialogues about how they felt. None of them could massage his neck with the vigor and strength of a Sweety. They couldn’t cook as well and weren’t as smart and their private parts couldn’t vibrate or warm to above his body temperature.
Bob began to have a strange thought. The word Rubenesque came into his mind. Betty was not significantly overweight but Bob realized the concept of beauty had not always been the same. Overweight women in those days were rare because food was scarce and only the rich could afford enough food to become overweight. The masses wanted what they could not have, big women. The same must be true for tans. Working people were tan from working in the sun. Pale women were rare and the definition of beauty stayed with those pale women until pale women were common and tans more unusual. Bob could not take his eyes off Betty even as the Miss Universes rubbed his inner thigh. While they talked Bob pulled up small screens in the corner showing real women. Their hair was wrong and their breasts not so perky and there were moles and they were asymmetric but he found himself distracted and wanting to end the conversation. He even began to find himself irritated and when he looked inward he realized he was jealous of Carl’s real girl friend.
The Sweetys were also irritating him. They were smiling, naked, perfect and willing but too easy. Bob thought to himself, “I own mirrors. I know I an not especially good looking, not horrible but if I had to compete for a real girl I’m not really sure what I could qualify for. These pictures of real women showed personalities behind their eyes and he wondered if a real woman would see that in him.”

Now his day was ruined. He found an excuse to sign off with Carl and told his transport to take him to a location where there was a large concentration of real women. As the transport was above the North Atlantic he opened the belly door and had the Sweetys leave one at a time with no goodbyes.

RD HANSON

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